Still waiting

Thurday, September 4


Just thought I would update that nothing has changed. I am still feeling good and am just waiting for my bone marrow to start producing blood on its own.  Right now the hardest part is feeling good but still being restricted because of the lack of an immune system.  
Not having an immune system is an interesting thing.  Usually when you are missing something so vital that without it you get very sick you would notice. 

 Not the immune system.  Nothing feels different, nothing looks different (except for the hair and that was the chemo), nothing smells different or sounds different but you get to sit in the hospital restricted to the 8th floor - east side only and if you leave your room - you are covered in what could almost pass for a hazmat suit.  

So the challenge becomes how to keep the little bit of sanity you actually came with.  Part of that process is to acknowledge that life is different and will continue to be for some time - not forever but for a long time.  There is loss that comes with that change.  I won't list the losses here but you can imagine what is lost when you spend 28 days on the east side of the 8th floor of the hospital.  A friend who has also battled cancer on this floor gave me some good advice.  He said that the trick is to acknowledge the losses but also the gains.  Seeing both for what they are is important and giving each the time and consideration they deserve.  The gains are more subtle but no less significant and are unique to each person and the  path they are walking.  
My gains have included....realizing how strong each of our daughters is and can be....increased love and devotion for Loren....a greater understanding of who the Holy Ghost is and His role in the Godhead...knowing what it feels like to have people praying specifically for you...humility

There are many more that I haven't listed and more to come.  I am grateful for the advice from John and for the time to put it into practice.