Say What??!!!!"

On the morning of Sept.11, the nurse came in to give me my numbers for the day.  She cringed as she told me that my neutrophils were still at 100.  I didn't think they had improved and was not in a good mood that morning as I was walking the halls.  As I walked, I thought about how I could convince the doctors to let me go home.  My extended time in the hospital was taking a toll on me and on my family.  In my mind, one of the hardest things was feeling so good and still not having my body respond in the way it should.  I thought about begging, pleading and bargaining my way out.  I was ready to offer to wear the mask and a clown suit if they would just let me go home.  

After the nurse (Becca) told me my numbers she could tell I was not happy.  Usually I would be chatty and positive about the next day but I was just ready to have myself a great big pity party!  I wanted to be by myself and cry and sulk.  I knew that later that day I would be fine but the pity party sounded like the way to go right then.

Fortunately, my mom and Debbi came that morning and saved my from my personal pity party.  They listened to me cry and rant and cry some more.  In the middle Debbi did one of the most selfless acts of love....she just grabbed my feet and started to rub them.  The simple release that came from that act was astounding.  Emotions just came out.  I don't know how she knew to do that but I was/am grateful for her simple acts of love in my life.

We decided to go for a walk outside and mentioned that to Becca (nurse).  She asked how long we were going to be and then suggested that we come back by about noon because we were going to want to talk with Dr. Mitchell.  All this was said with a conspiratorial grin on her face.  I wanted to hope but didn't dare so we just went for a walk.

Shortly after we came back, Dr. Mitchell came in to talk with us and told us that my neutrophils were still at 100.  Then she asked, "How would you feel about going home today?"

SAY WHAT!!!!!????

With absolutely no hesitation I said (or I might have yelled) YES!!  She cautioned us that I still had no immune system so I needed to be very careful and cautious.  She could have told me to wear a hazmat suit with a clown wig and I wouldn't have cared - I was going HOME!!!   I agreed to call if anything in my condition changed.  Then I called Loren and told him to buy a big duffel bag and come get me!  Mom and Debbi started packing up my room and took one big load of things home (you accumulate alot) and then Loren came and we filled out the rest of the paperwork and we walked out of the hospital!

What an amazing feeling to sit in a car, drive up the freeway and see something different out of the windows after 34 days on the 8th floor of LDS Hospital.  I am so grateful to live so close to a facility as amazing as the Bone Marrow/Leukemia center at the hospital.  They are literally saving my life.  
But it still was great to have the first part of the treatment complete!

We decided to surprise our girls.  Emily had a soccer game that afternoon and we were trying to get there before she had to warm up but that wasn't going to work out so I called her from the car and let her know that I would be at her game that day.  There was a mixture of tears and laughter - I don't think she knew quite what to do!  I did make it to her game in a big floppy hat and a mask and sat away from everyone but it was great to finally see her as part of the Bonneville High soccer team.  They have been incredibly supportive of her and of our family.

Thankfully we were driving the hybrid car so we could pull quietly into the driveway.  I got out, Loren got in position to film and I rang the doorbell.  Elizabeth answered the door and just stared at me for a while.  Her brain just wasn't ready to see me standing on the porch.  After a few seconds she just said, "Mom?" and gave me a big hug.  Then I had her go get Callie.  I stood to the side of the door so Callie couldn't see my clearly but she could see Loren filming her and was quite confused until it registered that her mom was standing on the porch.  Lots of hugs happened and I our happiness was immense.

So, I haven't written for awhile because I have been quietly enjoying my short time at home!

Thank you for your continued support!